Do U understand what friendship is? August 25, 2007
Posted by Vivian in Experience, Friends, Life.trackback
Value that is found in friendships is often the result of a friend demonstrating on a consistent basis:
- the tendency to desire what is best for the other,
- sympathy and empathy,
- honesty, perhaps in situations where it may be difficult for others to speak the truth, especially in terms of pointing out the perceived faults of one’s counterpart
- mutual understanding.
Yet for many, friendship is nothing more than the trust that someone or something will not harm them.
I think this is very subjective depends on who u apply this to… I’m really upsad and feel very disappointed with my “best buddy” (used to be best buddy) when she started an argument with me. I think it was not really an argument, it was like a bomb to me!! nvm…
She always ask me “Vivian, wats wrong wif me? Im i very bad? or i did something wrong? Is my attitude right? Please be straight forward to me…”
For all this while I’m trying to care for her and make myself comfortable for her, trying hard to figure out wat she wants and trying to help… she gets stress and uphappy easily, so i’ll try my best to cool her down and make her hapi, be her listener, trying to figure out wat to say so that she wont misunderstand or how to give her advice… BUT wat i get is “I dont need your care, it dosent matters me, u make me feel wrong” OMG… this is like chopping my heart into pieces….
For me, sometimes we have to give and take on certain things, there is a balance in friendship! If you dont care for ppl, how do you aspect ppl to care for you? I bet u dont even care for me! or bother to ask.
Honestly, i really dont like to listen to all those bullshit things that you feel unhappy for… but i think u really feel comfortable so i din stop u… Mayb wat i did was not right.
I dont think there is an explanation needed. Anyway, this is not important for me any more. Since that you dont care anymore, wat do i care then? You are not really that “Great”… Life still goes on… Thanks for waking me up and opened my eyes. Life worth learning!!
Finally understand that, why you do not like to share your unhappiness to me, I do try asking, what happen to you, try my best to be with you whenever you are unhappy, but so far, whenever I ask what had happen,your answer will be ” nothing”. I know I’m not a good listening during the conversation in Steven Corner, the test that you let me take. I try to listen more, talk less, but maybe I’m really a very bad listener, where by you will not share ur happiness or sadness to me.
I have to say sorry bout yesterday’s Boom on you, understanding no matter what i say now,it doesn’t matter to you anymore, as i know i really hurts you. But I still need to say it from my heart, truly, sorry. Understand you might be crying when you are typing this passage, I cried for the whole night as well.
Whenever I saw the picture you all took happily together, but without me, my heart felt sour, the happiness that you all share together, my heart felt sour as well, or should i use the word jealous? I always ask myself, what’s wrong? why i can’t get together with you all anymore,just like last time in secondary school?
I try, to join each of the gathering,I tried to not miss out any single gathering, trip or anything event’s that all of you plan, but I understand as well, my working hours is not as flexible as you. Every time, when you plan to go Genting, I hope i can join as well, but because of work, I couldn’t. When you all happily discuss about the trip to China, I hope I can join as well, but i couldn’t, financial problem, leave problem.
Yes,you are right, I’m not great,that’s why i need you to be frank to me. Just like listening problem, i put it inside my heart, I observe. Whenever ppl talk to me, in work anywhere, i started to let them finish first, keep your advise in heart, try my best not to do it again, or atleast, not so often,because I know I’m wrong.When you tell me this mistake that i made, yes, i was angry,but i accept.
Yesterday I start the booming on you, which i feel really sorry, because of i really cannot stop asking myself why you said I do not care friend’s feeling? You are my beloved friend! Whenever i have anything interesting.The first friends that i would like to share with, it’s YOU! Just like the sushi that we enjoy together yesterday, the soya steamboat that i told you yesterday, i hope to go wtih you.And whenever i was sad, the only place i would go it’s your house,because i know vivi will be there for me,clam me down with whole heart,without fail. And until this passage, only i know, actually i was so frustrating, annoying for you.Now only i realise,all this while,I’ve given you such unhappiness time.And why?again,why don’t you let me know earlier?make me have a wrong perception thought that you do not mind to be with me when I’m sad?when im down?Why do you only let me know now? Hope you don’t mind, i use your phrase,If i want ppl to care bout me, i have to care about ppl first, same as if you do not want ppl to have wrong perception, please do not give wrong perception to others.It cut’s deeper and deeper into my heart when you kept repeating this phrase. it’s really hurt, a person who do not know she was so wrong previously, and do not know what happen actually. It’s like a boom to me as well….
Again, i know yesterday i was over hush, and i hurts you deep. Please believe that it hurts me as well,my best buddy….
Is not that im not trying to say… is just that you dont even care to know.. yes you did asked but do you really care?? it dosent matter for me anymore…
dont always Y? please think of how?
there no explaination needed…
do you really wanna know how i feel about you?? is it really important? do you really accept wat i said?? i dont this so…
right or wrong not important anymore….
I’m not a worm of your heart,I don’t know what you think, and how you feel, sometimes i only feel that you are not happy, i ask why, you say “nothing”, i dare not ask, as i know if you really wanted to tell,you’ll tell me, if you don’t i know no matter how much i ask, ends up “noting”as well.Just like, when you share your relationship problem,i listen pay attention, try my best to give advice, be with you, i dont know do you still remember that. My advice might be very stupid, but i do try my best.
Vivian, wanted to tell you all this while, you are not god, there is no need everything also accept and put it inside your heart,and suffer. You are HUMAN, who should have the right to throw temper.
Here and then, after our bomb last night, i feel sad, but i feel glad as vivian finally throw a little out to me. Let me know a little bit more bout you,vivian also have temper,will angry, frustrated,annyoed as well.
I do not know, dare not think,whether do you still treat me as your buddy after this,as i know i hurt you deeply.I think for the whole night, i know i was wrong,throwing such big temper, hush words to you. And i know it cant turn back.Until you really forgive me.And i understand it;s very hard for you to do so.
The only thing i could say now is, i still love you alot, still would like to care of you alot. Still would like to keep you as my beloved buddy. I know it’s very hard now. But i’ll still wait til one day, you will call me up and say,lets go yum cha to9 at 9pm.I’ll patiently wait til that day. The only thing i could say now it’s the word “SORRY”. Friends comes and go, but i hope our friendship will last til the end of the world.It might be a dream now, but atleast, it’s my dream…
Take care friend.
Amanda Wong… Listen!! You still don’t understand!! Is not me not telling u my stuff… Is just that u REALLY don’t CARE.
Its enough, we don’t have to explain anything anymore. Give some space for each other. Maybe we can realize oneday that what had happen today is really stupid….
END
Dear Vivi and Amanda,
Let’s cool down….. think abt What’s FRIENDSHIP !!
For me true friendship is that you have a person you can confide in, you can trust, you share the sad times and the good times, without judgment. Anything you tell a friend, stays between the two of you and no outsiders have insight. There is no gossip behind your back when you confide in a true friend. For me, infront of my true friend, I can be myself… express what I feel ‘Good’ or ‘Bad’.
WORD after arguement always the WORST + HURT = HEART BROKEN
Pls, cool down …. telling the truth, nobody is perfect in the whole wide world. Remember, it’s hard to find and mantain a Friendship which is over 10 yrs… think back all the happiness you guys run over it…isin’t sweet?
Hi ViVi,
the 1st time i leave u a comment here,
finally i got tat times to read ur blog here,
i agree with wat u said is , 1 day u n amanda wil reliased wat u both said here is looks stupid…i agree v u, not necessary to try said much more through this happen anymore…
its was happen, no more U-Turn road,
the hurt was happen, no more tears,
its was happen, get more tough.
V r not child anymore, should responbility wat v doin for,
V r adult now, should think for other ppl side,
Amanda, as u said , V r juz Human, but tats NOT the reason to forgive all the mistake we were done…
sum mistake V need paid for it!!
Learn a lesson from mistake, not blame for those making the mistake…
A true friend is ,she/he may not understand wat u think of,
but speech less, give a shoulder , tats enough…
is hard to get a shoulder…
when get it, appreaciate!
Thanks Heavengal, yeah it was heart broken~~ really need time to think properly.
Crystal, you are right, we are adults and we should know what to do…
HeAvEnGaL，
I have the same point of you.As being a real friend,i don’t think we need to hide something behind.And it should be quite natural than anything to treat the relationship.You can have temper at some time,be carzy at some time,be kind at some time…but most of all,we need to understand each other…if not,something is wrong certainly…
All are past now~~~looking for a nice future is better,right?!